As a general rule, Humbert thinks devices don’t belong on restaurant tables, with exceptions for business meetings and solo meals. Yet, being a modern etiquette expert often with her own phone in hand, she recognizes that they’re a huge part of contemporary life.

“I would never say, ‘never be on your phone’ or that I’m anti-phone,” says Humbert, the author of What Do I Do?: Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered. Rather, we should evolve within our fast-paced world without losing touch with kindness and respect. “The bottom line with etiquette is how can I make the other person feel valued and comfortable in my presence?”

Diners aren’t always set up for success in that department, especially when many restaurants deploy tabletop QR codes instead of paper menus. If the first thing you do upon sitting down is scroll through your phone to select a drink, who can blame you for leaving it out, and maybe answering a text or checking the like count on that hilarious Reel you made?

One way to resist the impulse to put technology first is to instead make a habit of putting devices away. (That goes for putting smart watches in movie mode, too.)

“Anytime I’m about to enter somewhere new, the first thing I do is take my headphones off and put them away, and I put my phone away,” Humbert says. “Even if I have to take my phone back out to check a reservation or let a friend know I got a table, I make sure my hands, ears and eyes are completely free when I enter a room.”

That advice translates situationally, too. Once you’ve finished scrolling and decided what to order, snapped a quick pic of your cocktail, or anytime a server approaches the table to check in, think of it like entering a new space, and put your phone away. If you need help making this distraction-machine feel more invasive, Humbert relies on a trick a friend told her about. “If you wouldn’t take a book out to read at that time, would you also take your phone out?’”