My cowardly stread ended today, however. Below, find absolutely every thought I had while watching Season 1, Episode 1 of Wayward.

1. I simply love when the croaking of toads echoes.
2. 2003! The scariest year of all!
3. I know that glass-breaking didn’t happen in my apartment, but instead on the TV show I’m watching, yet I’m still scared.
4. What is this person running from?
5. Tornado siren??
6. Is this, like, an Esalen-y cult?
7. How are they…surviving underwater?
8. I miss my rom-coms.
9. Okay, here we go: the present day.
10. I love the idea that you don’t need money to live in Vancouver.
11. Are teenage girls these days really fixated on the Beatles?
12. Why are all these popular girls dressed so Clueless?
13. Truly, what year is it?
14. Aw, this show is making me kind of nostalgic for being a teen-girl loser with one friend who skipped a lot of class (even though, unlike Leila and Abbie, I had no idea where to find weed in high school).
15. TONI COLLETTE TIME!
16. She’s apparently running a “therapeutic school” in the woods of Vermont?
17. That way lies danger, Leila!
18. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed Toni Collette being spooky post-Hereditary (and United States of Tara, for that matter).
19. Mae Martin listening to Weezer in the car? Dream date!
20. Oh God, cute, queer pregnant couple, don’t move into some weird, abandoned rural home. Have you never seen a horror movie?
21. I need this show to take a Hard Candy turn and end with Leila and Abbie executing some old creep they met online.
22. Mae is…a state trooper?
23. Or a…park ranger? Or something?
24. Wait, what went down with Mae in Detroit?
25. If a cop says their “response was not ideal,” someone definitely died, right?
26. Also…is Mae meant to be serving he/him on this show? Or is this other cop sweetly clueless in referring to them as a “good dude”?
27. The latter, I think.
28. Eek, it’s the running person from the beginning of the show!
29. A Tall Pines escapee, perhaps?
30. He’s 15 or 16 and possibly in danger, and of course the cops don’t care.
31. Clearly, Toni’s word is law in this town.
32. I’m feeling very nervous already about the potential fate of Mae’s sweet, guileless pregnant wife.
33. Addicted to the sight of Toni bicycling through town with a backpack full of kale.
34. Sorry, what is Toni handing Mae? It’s something she “made from scratch,” but…soap? Muffins?
35. God, adults really are such losers.
36. I’m 32 years old, and seeing teens fight with their parents on TV still gives me anxiety hives.
37. Hell yeah, T discourse!
38. “You never imagine the father of your kid looking like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.” LOL.
39. I love that kids are still getting messed up on drugs and illicitly photocopying their faces. Some things are eternal.
40. Oh God, Abbie is being taken to Tall Pines!
41. With her messed-up family’s consent!
42. Call your congressperson about the horrors of the TTI-industrial complex, folks.
43. Now the runaway kid from before is in Mae’s house??
44. Well, that’s…not a gorgeous knife wound.
45. Nothing has ever been scarier than Toni Collette saying “Welcome to Tall Pines.”
46. Excellent use of Blue Oyster Cult on the outro, show!