“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

I have been asking myself this question since late summer as I sort through my work calendar, restaurant openings, and vacation schedules. My family asks too, and my friends remind me of their standing invites. I’m still not quite sure as I write this letter.

I have been traveling the last few Thanksgivings—usually for work—and have had to send kind wishes through group chats and swoon over turkey and dressing and dishes of macaroni and cheese on FaceTime. Figuring out what I’m going to do every year has challenged what was always tradition: heading home for Thanksgiving. But one year I caught up with my dear friend over a long, lazy lunch at one of the world’s finest restaurants. Another year I was on a plane somewhere. Another year, at a neighbor’s house, though it did feel odd to trade my hostess apron for a guest’s chair.

Although I have been too busy to host Thanksgiving in recent years, it’s still my favorite holiday. I love being in the kitchen with the smells of celery and sage, cinnamon and clove, and rolling out dough for yeast rolls between my fingers. I can quickly end a canned versus fresh cranberry sauce debate with Bon Appétit’s gorgeous Cranberry-Lime Tart from the archives.

Over the past few decades, Thanksgiving has become more about peace, grace, and friendship, where we celebrate our chosen people and our family ties. Even if I’m not at home, I still feel the connection and intimacy I’m thankful for. We’ve also moved away from culinary conventions with access to spices and produce from all over the world, allowing us to make Thanksgiving dinner whatever we want.

Tradition, after all, is also something we create.

A few years ago I invited some friends of a friend to Thanksgiving dinner and asked them to bring side dishes they loved. As immigrants mostly from Europe and South America, they didn’t believe this American holiday was “for them,” or that their dishes would be appropriate. But their soups, ceviches, and paellas sat beautifully alongside my herb-roasted turkey and potatoes dauphinoise, making them more connected to this US tradition. Being part of a welcoming, inclusive environment is what I want to do every Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Hot Takes and Tips

CALL IT SIDESGIVING

This is really what we want anyway: lots of sides, variations of ones we know, and ones we didn’t know we needed, like the spicy squash. Tip: Stay on auntie’s good side. Rather than replace a beloved family recipe, add a new side to try.

CHOOSE A SMALL TURKEY

Tackling your first turkey? I recommend Shilpa Uskokovic’s choice of a small bird (12 to 14 pounds). Slightly larger than a duck or chicken, it cooks faster and feels familiar. Hot take: The skin does not have to be crispy. You’ve got gravy.

CAKE IS THE NEW PIE

I’m a certifiable pie person. But if you want to impress guests and be on trend with the cake parties we saw all year, make one, or all, of the cakes. Hot take: The chocolate-pumpkin cake is the stronger case for canned pumpkin than pie.